By Jacinda Hernandez, PhD, PMH-C · Perinatal psychologist
Yes. Many new and expecting mothers have sudden, unwanted thoughts or images that frighten them, often about something bad happening to their baby. These are called intrusive thoughts. They’re a common symptom of perinatal anxiety, they don’t mean you want to act on them, and they are very treatable.
If you’ve had a thought that scared you and you haven’t told anyone, this post is for you.
What intrusive thoughts can sound like
Intrusive thoughts often arrive out of nowhere, and they can be vivid. Some examples mothers describe:
“What if I drop the baby on the stairs?”
“What if I fall asleep while holding her?”
A sudden image of your baby being hurt
“What if I’m not safe to be around my baby?”
Most women who have these thoughts feel horrified by them. Many also feel ashamed and keep them secret, which can make the thoughts feel even bigger.
Why they happen
After a baby arrives, your brain’s threat-detection system goes into overdrive. Its job is to keep your baby safe, and sometimes it overshoots. It starts generating “what if” scenarios about the very things you care about most.
Hormonal shifts, sleep deprivation, and the enormous responsibility of caring for a newborn can all turn up the volume. Intrusive thoughts can also appear during pregnancy, especially for women with a history of anxiety or a previous loss.
What intrusive thoughts are not
This is the most important part: having an unwanted thought is not the same as wanting to act on it.
In fact, the distress you feel is a clue. These thoughts upset you because they go against everything you value. Mothers with anxiety-driven intrusive thoughts often become more careful and protective, not less.
Why fighting the thoughts can make them louder
It’s natural to try to push a scary thought away, avoid situations that trigger it, or seek reassurance over and over. Unfortunately, these strategies often keep the thought coming back.
What tends to help is a different approach: noticing the thought, naming it (“That’s an anxious thought”), and letting it pass without arguing with it. This skill takes practice, and a therapist trained in perinatal anxiety can guide you through it using approaches like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT).
A few things you can try today
Name it. “That’s an intrusive thought. It’s not a fact, and it’s not a plan.”
Lengthen your exhale. Breathe in for four counts and out for six, five times.
Ground yourself. Notice five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear.
Tell someone. Saying it out loud to a trusted person often shrinks its power.
When to reach out for support
Consider talking with a professional if intrusive thoughts:
happen often or take up a lot of your day,
lead you to avoid caring for your baby or to check things over and over,
come with constant worry, panic, or low mood, or
have lasted more than two weeks.
You don’t need to wait until it feels “bad enough.” Your OB, midwife, primary care doctor, or a perinatal mental health therapist are all good places to start.
When to get help right away: if thoughts of harming yourself or your baby feel like urges you might act on, or if they come with confusion or seeing or hearing things others don’t, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. These can be signs of a medical emergency that needs immediate care.
You’re not alone
Intrusive thoughts are one of the least talked-about parts of new motherhood, and one of the most common. With understanding and the right support, they can become quieter and much less frightening.
Want to learn more? Download my free guide, Is It More Than the Baby Blues?, for gentle, practical information about postpartum mood changes, anxiety, and intrusive thoughts.
If you’re in California or Texas and would like support, I offer a free 15-minute consultation. Schedule here.
This article is for educational purposes and isn’t a substitute for individualized care. If you are in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988, or call 911. The National Maternal Mental Health Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262).
